individual toolkit

+ Little say in where home is.

➤ Ask how home makes you feel & take time to think about whether there is a quick and cheap fix, like more frequent tidying up or small home improvements that would make a big difference.

➤ Knock on neighbors’ doors just to say hello, introduce yourself, or tell them you're nearby to check on their place if needed, etc.

➤ If keeping up your home is challenging, in winter, for example, ask a neighbor to salt your walk or do other house work in exchange for a dish you love to make, or watching their kid for an evening, etc.

➤ Invite neighbors to events along with you to build security and friendship, and try to make a routine of going together.

➤ Seek a roommate to reduce rent as well as isolation, considering living with another older adult or a younger person with whom you share general living habits.

➤ To find a roommate, you may have to ask around at all of your current points of connection, including any friends or family, but also talk to a staff member at one of your local resources, like immigrant resource centers, area agencies on aging, and housing organizations.

➤ If aging in your home is just not affordable, make an appointment at your local area agency on aging to talk about subsidies and programs to apply for, as well as group living options that work for you.

➤ Go to this website or call this number to find out where your local area aging on aging (AAA) is located.

+ Fees, transport, even basic needs unaffordable.

➤ List out the activities you want to do, but can't affordable or are unsure you can afford, and for each, try some of the following:

➤ Call or visit an event's organizers to ask about discounts for membership fees, tickets, etc.

➤ Ask staff about the many free events and groups at sites like local area agency on aging or senior center, public library, YMCA, etc. to see if one captures your interest.

➤ Form your own gatherings, like a walking group, or a book club which meets in a member's home.

➤ Write a budget for even one paying event per week if you can, factoring in transport costs, or stick to free events.

➤ Propose carpools to other attendees and split travel costs, especially if you do not drive.

➤ Review your local public transportation discounts available to seniors (Lewiston Area CityLink Fares)

➤ Check the public transportation routes you'd need to take, and if unavailable, call your transport authority to speak up about what you need and see if there are close alternatives.

➤ Consider various food assistance programs available in your area, which offer free or reduced cost meals as well as a social opprtunity, such as:

(1) a wellness check and chat with your food deliverer, or

(2) a social dining site where you donate what you can and eat with others, or

(3) a dine around program, which offers vouchers to eat at certain resturants around you.

Bring a friend with you to these, or be open to meeting someone.

Androscoggin County Meal Services available here, or call your area agency on aging to ask for information

➤ Go to this website or call this number to find out where your local area aging on aging (AAA) is located. There, you can sit down with a real person.

➤ Visit the online social care database called Aunt Bertha, which collects puts in one place nearby programs working on everything from food, to transit, to education supports.

+ Continued need to work.

➤ Make an appointment with an area aging agency’s case manager to make sure you’re getting all benefits you’re eligible for.

➤ Go to this website or call this number to find out where your local area aging on aging (AAA) is located.

➤ If you're unemployed but need to work to make ends meet, you can look for work here which gives decent pay, supported by the federal government

➤ Talk with co-workers on breaks to make your workspace as social as possible.

➤ Consider ways to be social and do something you love to do around your work committments, like gathering with a few friends at night (or talking on the phone) or working on a project.

➤ Pick one event you’d like to attend, like a church service, excercise class, or support group, & talk with its organizer about other times it could be offered to benefit you and others.

➤ Ask about other ways to be part of a program or event, like cooking for it or gathering with a smaller group, if there is no flexibility in time.

➤ If you do not live with family, live with a roommate (a co-worker, maybe) to share nighttime with after a day's work.

➤ Look out for free and reduced cost job training programs. Visit the online social care database called Aunt Bertha, which collects puts in one place nearby programs working on everything from food, to transit, to job training supports.

+ Physically difficult to go & join in.

➤ Process what it is about movement & physical function that you miss— be it the sun or cool air, the people who’d join you, the routine, etc.

➤ Pick one part that you can still make happen, like sitting outside, inviting those friends over, moving in other ways, etc.

➤ Try out Tai Chi, yoga, water-based exercise, walking groups, etc. until you find a way to be physically active that works for you.

➤ To stay active in your home, check out video classes you can take online with others.

➤ Plan for more travel time to come & go from home to reduce stress in process.

➤ Ask a family member or friend to drive you to an event of your choosing if you're unable to.

➤ On days when discomfort is more manageable, make yourself accountable to a fellow event attendee to go together.

➤ Use phone & video calling to stay in touch with friends & family if unable to leave home, deciding on a set time in advance if able.

➤Regularly & reliably visit homebound older adults, discussing something to do together in advance.

+ Mind is changing, bringing frustration, shame.

➤ Write down your concerns and priorities for yourself to avoid them circling in your mind.

➤ Then, share your priorities as openly and early as possible with those close to you; Consider having a regular, written-down check-in date to sit down and update one another.

➤ Ask your providers for the most firm and complete answers you are comfortable with, in particular impacts on social interaction; Don't be shy in asking for their recommendations for how to stay connected based on past patients' experiences.

➤ Make an appointment your area agency on aging to talk about programs and benefits for patients with cognitive conditions.

➤ Go to this website or call this number to find out where your local area aging on aging (AAA) is located.

➤ Get together for a coffee or support groups with other older adults or family members of those facing similar diagnoses.

➤ Stay engaged in the activities and rountines that keep you connected to others and your passions in a modified way, such as reading shorter stories, having a couple of friends over for a shorter dinner, etc.

+ Unaided elder caregivers also isolated.

➤ Assess if you meet the specific risk factors of caregiver isolation which might then lead to loneliness.

➤ Make an appointment your area agency on aging to receive all possible benefits & support, even if you suspect you're getting them all.

➤ Check specifically if you are eligible for Medicaid (MaineCare in Maine) Consumer Directed Attendant Services Program, which pays for a caregiver you know and trust, other the spouse of the care recipient, to lessen your time committment.

➤ Investigate respite programs specifically, which pay for some short term care in or out of home, such as Maine's dementia caregiver respite program.

➤ Review right online general caregiver resources specific to your state.

➤ Further research adult day and related services on this community resources finder by clicking the "care at home" box.

➤ Schedule, in writing, daily personal time to dedicate as you choose, even if it's only a few odd hours throughout the day.

➤ Emphasize out-of-house activities when taking that personal time, like going to see a movie, lecture, or exercise class.

➤ Consider, also, outdoor time in particular, like a walk with a neighbor around the block, to rejuvenate you a bit.

➤ Acknowledge that you might want to spend spare time alone, and do so as needed, but keep in mind that the opportunity to talk out your experiences with friends is powerful.

➤ Read these caregiver stories to get a sense of the community you are part of.

➤ Share your own experience with other caregivers by joining an online caregiver support group, or ask your local area agency on aging about in-person meetings.

+ Living alone, far from kids.

➤ Talk openly to family or younger neighbors about how these changes feel for you. Because this can be a sensitive topic, consider asking questions like this:

(1) What are your motivations to move away? Here's where I see your reasoning... Here's where I think differently...

(2) Can we make a plan for the upcoming holiday, so I know if I should expect to see you, or make plans with a friend?

(3) Can we make a regular time to call one another?

➤ Mark a regular time on your calendar (like Sunday nights) to call your kids, grandkids, or extended family, and use video call if you can so you can see one another face-to-face.

➤ If you do not have a smartphone, see if this simple tablet would help you video call family without much hassle.

➤ Seek out others transitioning to new family and community situations among your friends, at your senior center, or within your neighborhood, and talk out your experiences. As a long-time Mainer, share with New Mainers, too. New Mainers, share with long-time Mainers. You may find your experiences are more similar than different.

➤ If you've immigrated to Maine without family, seek other New Mainers facing the same changes in family and community relationships that you are at immigrant resource sites (in Lewiston, the Immigrant Resource Center of Maine); Form a group of people to meet there regularly to support one another.

➤ If kids, grandkids, or other family were a presence in the house before the move, consider living with a roommate for company, younger or your age.

➤ Ask how home makes you feel & take time to think about whether there is a quick and cheap fix, like more frequent tidying up or small home improvements that would make a big difference.

➤ Knock on neighbors’ doors just to say hello, introduce yourself, or tell them you're nearby to check on their place if needed, etc.

➤ If keeping up your home is challenging, in winter, for example, ask a neighbor to salt your walk or do other house work in exchange for a dish you love to make, or watching their kid for an evening, etc.

➤ Invite neighbors to events along with you to build security and friendship, and try to make a routine of going together.

➤ To find a roommate, you may have to ask around at all of your current points of connection, including any friends or family, but also talk to a staff member at one of your local resources, like immigrant resource centers, area agencies on aging, and housing organizations.

➤ Adopt a pet if you're able to take good care for it, especially older animals which need less attention, but are great company.

+ Conversation & news go online.

➤ It's important to think through why technology is making you feel left out, so that you can make a plan to become included. Ask yourself:

(1) When I feel left out of conversation, or out of the loop on gatherings happening in my community, is it because people are using phones or computers to be in touch?

(2) How willing am I to try to learn to use a phone or computer more independently?

(3) What skills am I not willing to learn, and should then ask others to use phone calls, mail, and in-person visits more?

(4) Is this issue related to relationship conflicts or other problems which I cannot fix by using technology?

➤ Make a regular day of the week to visit with friends, family, neighbors in-person. Or, to call each other on the phone.

➤ Set boundaries for technology use when together with family or other younger adults in conversation with them so all agree.

➤ Adapt to new technology by asking your kids or grandkids to show you how to text them or use applications. This can be a chance to spend time together, and also be more likely to stay connected.

➤ Likewise, ask family, neighbors, friends, or staff at organizations you visit to help you make a profile on social media and use the network safely to keep in touch.

➤ If you do not have a smartphone, see if this simple tablet would help you video call family without much hassle.

➤ If a place you like to go, like a library, museum, or coffee shop, stops printing or mailing newsletters and schedules, talk to staff on your next visit. Tell them that you depend on the old ways of sharing news and why. Then, ask for help from staff to find information online or on email.

➤ Keep an eye out on bulletin boards, and ask staff at the places you visit, about technology classes. An instructor can teach you and other leaners how to do simple, but helpful, things online. Public libraries and adult education sites are great places to look. (For example, the Lewiston public library offers these when in demand.)

+ Unseen or unheard due to age, plus race, gender, citizenship, sexuality.

➤ Voice your feelings of exclusion to family, organizers, and trusted others, even if it takes a few tries to feel heard. If you're struggling to explain how you feel, try to:

(1) Give some examples of times you felt your opinion was not valued,

(2) Suggest how those around you could have responded instead.

(3) Say clearly that people in your life are influenced by negative ideas about older adults, which are not their doing. But, you'd like to talk through how to better your relationship.

➤ Steer conversation at gatherings beyond talk of your health or other logistics by telling a story about your past, talking about a project you're working on. Ask those gathered to share on their end, too.

➤ Ask someone you feel comfortable talking with but don't often connect with, like a young person in your family, to do relaxed interview with you about moments in your life for StoryCorps; Consider recording that person, too.

➤ If you have a connection with any teachers or school staff, reach out to them to see if they'd like you to come in to a class to talk about a moment in history you lived through, talk about your career, or teach on another topic students are learning about.

➤ Join a local board or commitee, especially if you have experience with the topic they are working on. If you feel side-barred, ask if each person can have the floor for a few minutes during meets.

➤ If you are treated unfairly due to your sexual preferences and/or gender identity, talk with staff at your local Area Agency on Aging about supports specific to you. Consider SAGE, a national organization serving lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender elders, which has a Maine-specific branch. Visit the SAGE Maine website or call this number to find out about offerings. (For example, weekly virtual stay-in-touch meetings during COVID closures.)

➤ For resources and information on advocacy efforts on behalf of minority-group elders, visit the Diverse Elders Coalition website, which then links to group-specific efforts doing national and local work, like the National Hispanic Coalition for Older Adults and the National Caucus and Center on Black Aging.

➤ If you're not finding existing support groups, events, or advocacy efforts in your area to address the unfair treatment you are facing, call neighbors or friends (both those in your position and those who can be allies) to recruit a group. Then, speak with staff at your local area agency on aging or senior center, library, immigrant or other resource center, or similar gathering sites about forming a support group or lecture series to meet in their space.

➤ Harness the power of art to collect stories, dances, photography, theater on the topics of oppression, discrimination, overcoming, and collective action, especially with a focus on elder experiences. Talk with staff of local galleries, museums, performing arts spaces (in Lewiston, L/A Arts, Museum L/A, The Public Theater, The Franco Center ) and seek out such offerings. Advocate that organizers invite elders like yourself of varied identities to contribute to planning. Approach other local gathering site staff, including coffee shops, restaurants, parks, etc., to plan arts collaborations, likewise organized with elder leadership.

➤ See Social Identity & Purpose Tested tools below for more ideas which help with overcoming discrimination of many forms.

+ Disconnect from occupation & roles.

➤ Take time to think aloud or write down answers to these questions:

(1) In your early and mid-life, how did you describe yourself to someone you just met? (Maybe as a carpenter, teacher, banker, scientist, janitor, or stay-at-home parent, etc.)

(2) Do you stay connected with any of those roles now? If so, how?

(3) Even if you welcomed retirement, or enjoyed yourself after the kids moved out, what parts of your former job or household role do you miss?

➤ Think about how you might incorporate the things you missed about your former responsibilities into what you do now, such as:

➤ Work a few hours a week in your former job or a similar one, maybe mentoring a new employee, giving advice to management, or just helping around the workplace. (You can look for work here which gives decent pay, supported by the federal government.)

➤ Volunteer to use the skills you used on the job, like carpentry, teaching, researching, etc. for a local organization that needs your help; Send the organization an email, give them a call, or stop by to let them know you're available.

➤ Consider national service organizations like SeniorCorps, which place older adults within their communities, but provide structure and opportunities for giving back.

➤ Teach your grandkids, kids in the neighborhood, or a class at a local school some of the skills you learned and tell them about the pros and cons of your field of work.

+ Struggle to find meaning & purpose.

➤ Take time to think aloud or write down answers to these questions:

(1) In the past, have you found meaning and support through connection to God, gods, or other power beyond yourself, according to a belief you feel closest to? Or, have you never really felt a higher connection?

(2) Have you been spending less time, or focusing less, on your beliefs? That could be because you've gone to fewer services or gatherings, or think about your beliefs less in day-to-day situations.

(3) What, if any, parts of your religious or spiritual life do you miss these days?

➤ Take 5 minutes at the beginning or end of each day to take a breath and recognize your value and impact in a much larger world.

➤ Consider doing a meditation exercise, in which you listen to someone guide you through breathing; You can do this on your smart phone with this free application, or online with these free 5-minute meditation.

➤ Attend a yoga class at your senior center or other recreation site to work on breathing more deeply and relaxing throughout the day.

➤ If you cannot go to a service or gathering due to health or other restrictions, talk to the organizer about other ways to be involved, like volunteering at another time or from home.

➤ If a source of guidance that matters to you comes from relationships with other people, reach out to those people and tell them you'd like to be in better touch.

➤ Make a plan to get involved in your community by volunteering for a cause you care about, starting with an hour a week and adding more time if you're enjoying it.

➤ Consider national service organizations like SeniorCorps, which place older adults within their communities, but provide structure and opportunities for giving back.

➤ Include in your planning how you will get there; Ask the organization to help you get there via carpools, etc. if needed.

➤ Take stock of how attending services, volunteering, reading more about your belief system, etc. makes you feel; Be ready to adjust plans as needed.

+ Independence, shyness makes reaching out hard.

➤ Take time to think aloud or write down answers to these questions:

(1) When you get together with others, do you find the conversation keeps you interested? Do you talk about topics you know something about and care to discuss?

(2) Do you feel the people you interact with on a day-to-day or weekly basis really know who you are? Or, are you holding back on saying or behaving how you want to?

(3) Do you think you have the same priorities as those you spend most of your time with? This could mean prioritizing helping others over being wealthy, relying on your land versus buying everything you need, or just the opposite.

(4) Do you think you are truly just fine on your own, or are you concerned that asking for help will reflect poorly on you? Whether it's the first or the second, everyone needs a helping hand and connection, no matter their age, experience, or abilities.

➤ Make note of the people who do share your interests and values, including friendships or groups you've parted ways from.

➤ Consider spending more time with those people, or reaching out to old friends, co-workers, or neighbors who you remember connecting with well on these issues.

➤ While it is important to go outside of your comfort zone at times, keep the amount of time you spend/events you attend in which you feel out of place or disinterested to a minimum.

➤ Look for groups of people with a shared interest, anything from history, to farming, to religion, at your community sites.

➤ Mark on your calendar a few events or gatherings a week where you'll feel present and excited to join in conversation.

➤ If you struggle interacting with others in a way that a professional could help you with, make an appointment with your doctor. This social anxiety screening test you help show you if a doctor's help is needed, but don't stop with just an online test!

+ Few reachable places to pursue interests.

➤ Make a note how much time you spend thinking critically or creating something you enjoy making. An hour a day? An hour every few days?

➤ Brainstorm how to to double that time by pursuing your hobby at home (reading, knitting, cooking).

➤ Write down opportunities, including things as simple as reading a book at home, on the calendar or on a "plan for the day" page.

➤ Take time alone for these pursuits as well as inviting friends, neighbors, or family who may be interested to join you, like having them over to cook a meal together, do a mini painting workshop, etc.

➤ Check out some of the creative projects, including some short movies, shared by the UnLonely Project, which you can watch or read right in your home.

➤ Request a few dollars from attendees to support a fund for shared transport to future events, or ask event organizers to do so.

➤ Talk to friends about carpooling with you to an event a few towns over. Make a regular schedule if you can, and try to split gas costs.

➤ Check for online programs available at your local library (Lewiston Public Library) if transportation or cost is a barrier.

➤ Be creative about what kinds of places can meet your needs, especially if you don't have a senior center or other community facilities. For example, if you have a connection with any teachers or school staff, reach out to them to see if they'd like you to come in to a class to teach a workshop on your creative skill.

➤ Consider volunteering to teach or benefit others with crafts, etc. at your church or other religious organization, women and children's shelters, organizations for people who are homeless, dealing with substance misuse, etc.

➤ In rural areas, take advantage of outdoor spaces in warmer months. Green spaces are great gathering sites. Ask everyone to bring a comfortable chair, and try to find a spot close to the road for those who have trouble walking distances.

➤ Be vocal in your support of opportunities you can access, and be even more vocal about the kinds of places and programs you deserve. Talk with staff at organizations and gathering spots near you, write letters to the editor of your local paper, and get other older adults to back you up.

➤ Reevaluate weekly how the plan is going & be willing to adjust.

+ Unaware, intimidated by goings on.

➤ Ask health & social service providers, librarians, family, older adults with like interests about opportunities that they recommend based on some past interests you have, like art classes, book clubs, woodworking, etc.

➤ Look online for lists of programs available at places like your local library (Lewiston Public Library) or museums (Museum L/A).

➤ Check the pin boards at your local restaurants, coffee shops, laundromats, etc. where many communtiy events are posted.

➤ Consider classes, clubs, and workshops which are available, even if they don't seem suited to your interests. Check at your senior centers, libraries, and other places you visit. Try a totally new activity even just once to see if it ends up being rewarding. Do this once a week until you find something that sticks.

➤ Get a friend to come with you to try a new class, see a show, etc. to make the space more familiar.

➤ Be open to going alone, knowing you'll meet others doing just the same.

➤ Stick with a class or activity to get a firmer sense of whether you enjoy it, but be flexible about switching to something else.

➤ Once dedicated, recruit others to join you.

+ Limited language & topics of interest.

➤ Be vocal in your support of opportunities you can access, and be even more vocal about those you'd like to make happen. Talk with staff at organizations and gathering spots near you, write letters to the editor of your local paper, and get other older adults to back you up.

➤ Take charge! If you'd like to lead a workshop or get a group together, talk to staff at gathering spots around you. Could your local coffee shop put the word out for a book exchange and weekly reader meet-up, for example?

Or, talk to a program coordinator at your senior center or library about hosting a weekly or monthly workshop in their space. Be sure to ask around prior to get a sense of how much interest there would be, and use this to support your idea.

➤ Ask other older adults you think are also unable to attend because of langauge barriers if they will join you in bringing your concerns to program organizers.

➤ Ask for subtitles in your preferred language at movie screenings at your public library, museums, and other cultural events; Make your case for why others would benefit from language inclusivity, too.

➤ Ask event attendees or program organizers to help pay for a translator to come to future events based on your language needs, or the needs of audience members you think are missing.

➤ Check out some of the creative projects, including some short movies, shared by the UnLonely Project, which you can watch or read right in your home.

+ Loss of partner, of intimacy.

➤ Check-in on your mental state not just in the immediate aftermath, but months after the passing to see longterm impact.

➤ Find someone to share memories of your partner with regularly and in painful moments; This could be a friend, family member, or someone you knew in common with the person you have lost.

➤ Consider doing some of your own writing about memories of your partner, emotions, and goals you have.

➤ Talk to your doctor about your feelings and ask for their recommendations, especially if your grief feels like it occupies your mind all the time and for a long time.

➤ Ask your doctor if therapy would help to work through many emotions, including about past relationship conflict.

➤ If substance use is at the core of the loss or separation, which is very common, your area agency on aging and other substance use resources have many groups and sources of guidance. Search for them by closeness to you on this Aunt Bertha database.

➤ Talk to your senior center or area agency on aging about support groups available for those who have lost loved ones; Attend as regularly as you can and stick around after to talk with others who come.

➤ Bring friends, family, or neighbors over for dinner or a game during the week as well as weekends if you can, to avoid multiple nights on end without company.

➤ If ready, consider dating once more if not to share households, but intimacy.

➤ Read this article, or talk to someone you trust about physical intimacy, and how to address these needs going forward.

+ Loss, separation, conflict with family, friends, even pets.

➤ Check-in on your mental state not just in the immediate aftermath, but months after the passing to see longterm impact of a lost or distant family member or friend.

➤ Find someone to share memories of your loved one with regularly and in painful moments; This could be a friend, family member, or someone you knew in common with the person you have lost.

➤ Read some wise books on grief like this one, which has Mainer contributions, and discusses in poetic and useful terms a healing path after losing a child.

➤ Consider doing some of your own writing about memories, emotions, and goals you have.

➤ Talk to your doctor about your feelings and ask for their recommendations, especially if your grief feels like it occupies your mind all the time and for a long time.

➤ Ask your doctor if therapy would help to work through many emotions and provide you with coping strategies.

➤ If substance use is at the core of loss, conflict, or separation, which is very common, your area agency on aging and other substance use resources have many groups and sources of guidance. Search for them by closeness to you on this Aunt Bertha database.

➤ Talk to your senior center or area agency on aging about support groups available for those who have lost loved ones; Attend as regularly as you can and stick around after to talk with others who come.

➤ Reflect of the distance as a source of loneliness, versus other causes in your control to manage, like missing certain routines, foods, or places you could find here; Even if not the same experience that you had your home country, these might bring comfort.

➤ Ask neighbors, friends, or staff at organizations you visit to help you learn how to video call, make a profile on social media, etc. to keep in touch.

➤ Focus on the preparations you can make for your family's arrival, even if uncertain, like job trainings, finding a suitable home, etc.

➤ Visit New Mainer organizations (inLewiston, the Immigrant Resource Center of Maine); Form a group of people to meet there regularly to support one another by sharing experiences of separation and uncertainty with those who are going through the same thing.

➤ If you've lost a pet, consider adopting a new one, if you're able to take good care for it, especially older animals which need less attention, but are great company.

➤ If you cannot adopt a new pet, ask if you can stop by the house of a friend, neighbor, or family member to see their pet, take care of the pet when they are away, to have that connection.

+ Unease, fear of dying, especially alone.

➤ Consider whether getting back in touch, or newly in touch, with a spirtual or religious organization would ease some of your concerns. In particular, a conversation with a Deacon or other religious leader gives many comfort. (If you think this feeling might be related to larger questions about your life purpose, go to the Social Identity & Purpose Tested section for more ideas.)

➤ Make an appointment directly or talk with family or caregivers if you prefer about doing a consultation with a palliative care and hospice social worker. In the Lewiston, Maine area, that would be Androscoggin Home Health and Hospice- phone number. This may ease some worries about discomfort or lack of control in this time, because these professionals provide much guidance.

➤ There are so many good books out about this, so talk to your librarian for recommendations.

➤ Consider doing some of your own writing about emotions and goals you have, and if comfortable, discuss these with those who support you.

➤ If you do not have supports to discuss end-of-life with, and even if you do, make an appointment at your local area agency on aging (SeniorsPlus in Lewiston) for some advice.